Whenever I grab my key card and wallet, rush out the door or dress up leisurely, go to class or walk down the street, pigeons are always there. I often see them sit down under the bushes or resting on the branches on the street near the dorm, but most of the time, they walk around on the street. They are usually unconcerned when people pass through them. I like to watch them when I am wandering down the street because I don't have the ability to own a pet like a cat or a dog, and it is never polite to stare at other's pets on the street, and they quickly pass me by. All I do is sneak a peek at other's dogs on the street, pretending not to care and praying for an enthusiastic puppy that pushed its head toward my legs for me to pet. Pigeons are the only animals I can stare at regularly without scruple because they belong to nobody.
Most of the time, pigeons quietly walk around, not like the noisy sparrows waking me up on a weekend morning in my hometown. When I first arrived in New York, I wondered why the pigeons were not afraid of humans. They seem weak, and the only thing they can do when disturbed is fly away. But they are brave when they dare stay within a few feet of other human beings. The difference between me and this little creature is that I am not that brave. I am anxious about phone calls and worried about being accosted by strangers. If I was them I would stay away from human beings altogether.
Pigeons look dull, especially the fat ones. It seems their green, pea-sized eyes have no light at all. But I particularly like the fat pigeons when they sit down on the ground. I can see from their contented expressions that they are enjoying their lives as pigeons. There is no need to worry about bread and think about the future: that's what stray animals do to survive. There is no need to act cute for treats and toys--that's what smart pets do to please their owner. Pigeons don't need these. A pigeon belongs to nobody. I want to become one of them, resting on the ground with a full stomach and an empty head, keeping far away from the worries.
Then I'd be free.
I can fly when I want to. I can stroll or sit on the ground or peck at food for fun. I can do everything and anything I want to. I don't need to deliver mail like the pigeons used to do back in the day or be stuck in a park, living among the flock, scrambling for corn kernels fed by tourists, and being chased by children. I don't need to carry an olive branch to symbolize peace like a dove. I don't need to attend the pigeon assembly if I want to stay alone. Nobody will tell me I need to socialize, because I am a pigeon.
And I will learn it in a pigeon's way. Forget about the sensitivity and anxiety. Forget about those to-do lists I can never complete and the dates I have to remember. Forget the high school I hate, the tears I shed during the night, the person I will never meet again. Forget the pain; forget the happy days that will fade away. Forget the past I can't go back to, the future I can't reach, and the present I can't control. Forget everything; keep your head empty to reduce weight so that you can fly higher.
Now I am a pigeon.
Kehan Sun is a Sophomore majoring in Illustration at the School of Visual Arts. Her latest hobby is bird watching and hiking.