Saudade
July 6, 2023 by Annie Coello

A faint sound reverberated throughout the hallway of the Fairview Panorama. Cheaply worn leather boots moved along the carpeted floor of the apartment building, the sound practically inaudible at first.

 

Small staccato footsteps, slowly crescendoing the longer they progressed. No other sound could be heard in the vicinity, apart from the minuscule breaths coming from the girl herself.


She moved swiftly and pointedly, clenching her fist at her side and glaring straight ahead. Her school bag rested on her side, hanging from her shoulder. 


The volume of her footsteps never quite reached their highest peak–the crescendo faltering before the melody could properly blossom. Her stride would frantically speed up–sudden panic flooding in, harsh rain ruining a carefully constructed performance. Friction from the carpet and her erratic movement would lead to tripping and stumbling. The footsteps would then cease altogether, a strange wave of silence hitting the hallway of the apartment building. 


Moments later, the movement would start all over again to loop anyone listening into an unsatisfactory cycle.


Intentionally crashing the melody once again, she stopped in front of the elevator. She pressed the button once. 


Then twice.


Then a third time, just for security. 


She tapped her foot fervently, recreating that stilted, staccato rhythm in a remix for the elevator wait specifically.


Moments later, she stepped inside the area, glancing to look at the person already inside. She was met with a relaxed smile, welcoming, warm and immediately too overfamiliar. It was not returned. 


She looked away from her companion as she entered, sighing quietly to herself. 


The button for the first floor was already pressed, the door itself shutting immediately after she stepped in. 


Clunky mechanical whirring started to buzz in the background of the elevator as it began to move. She held back a grimace. Not the most reassuring sound to hear as soon as you step inside an elevator. She hated being in these death traps, but she supposed she hated having to walk down thirteen flights of stairs more. 


If she hadn't lived so high up in the building, she wouldn't have ever bothered with the elevator. Frustratingly, though, once you go past the fifth floor at the Fairview, going up and down the crooked and steep stairs becomes tedious. It was a task that seemed like it came directly from the 7th circle of hell. She had fallen up those stairs before. Twice. She frowned at the memory.


Eyeing the little screen on the wall that indicated what floor they were on, she saw the elevator had only just reached the eleventh floor. 


The whirring had stilled slightly once the tenth floor had hit, and it halted entirely once they reached the ninth floor. 


When the light whirring stopped, it was immediately replaced with the horrid sound of metal screeching. A thunderous noise reverberated throughout the four walls of the tiny elevator. The lights flickered momentarily, earning a slight shriek from the girl in the leather boots, her eyes unfathomably wide.


The person beside her had held back a stifled laugh, immediately covering their mouth. 


Shaking her head, she snapped her neck to face them, scowling. With balled fists, bared teeth and a heavily furrowed brow, her composure had been regained, though the redness in her ears and cheeks betrayed her tough exterior.


Before she could verbally eviscerate them, they spoke.


"Hey, I get it." They spoke with a lilt, the tone of their voice matching the warm expression of earlier. "No need to be all hostile. I'm sorry for giggling." 


A manicured hand was extended to her, a single silver oval ring worn on their index finger. 


She blinked momentarily, her scowl faltering into a more subdued version of her anger. They smiled kindly at her, the dimples in their face being more noticeable this time. 


"I'm Joy Aristotle. Seems like we'll be stuck here for a bit, huh?"


She sneered at that, turning down the handshake. "I hope that's not true."


Joy shrugged. "Five minutes, fifteen, an hour. Could be a day for all we know." They sat down on the dirty, dirty elevator floor. The same floor where the girl had certainly seen dogs with muddy feet step in. "You got a name?"


She gave them the side eye, pausing for a moment. 


". . . Marina."


"No last name?"


"Marquez," she said flatly.


"Wow, alliteration!" Joy beamed. "That's a pretty name ya got there." 


Marina nodded slowly, trying to assess Joy's total lack of a boundary. She hated icebreakers. They were a total waste of time! A forced smile and a corny platitude was all Marina needed to see to tell her everything about the people around her. An endless cycle of seeing the same patterns of behavior across her 20 years of living told her enough.


"You pick it yourself?" Joy asked.


Marina looked back to the elevator's screen, the number still frozen on floor nine. "No." 


"Ah." A sigh was heard at that, and some faint rustling. Marina glanced back to see Joy leaning back into the elevator wall, sitting in the left corner, their arms behind their head. "You're pretty lucky then, getting a name like that on your first try."


Marina raised an eyebrow, staring ahead again. "Was I supposed to change it?"


"Not unless you wanted to." They yawned. "Not all of us are as lucky as you are, Marina."


The way her name was said unsettled her. Light and sweet, with the slightest hint of a teasing undercurrent there. She couldn't pinpoint it exactly, but it was that feeling of overfamiliarity that washed over her again, causing the hairs on her arms to stand up. 


"I guess you're right." She rubbed her arm. "What kind of name is Joy Aristotle anyway? Sounds kind of goofy if you ask me."


They laughed again, not bothering to stifle it this time. The noise bounced within the confines of the elevator. It was a hearty laugh, pleasant and loud. They grinned up at Marina once the laughter finally subsided.


"That's the name I got on my second try."


Marina tilted her head, eyes glazing for a second before she processed the sentence.


"Oh."


Burying her face in her hands and turning away from Joy had been almost a reflexive act. Joy snickered this time, holding up a hand to their mouth. Marina wasn't exactly sure why she was even the slightest bit embarrassed. It wasn't obvious, and small talk was stupid anyway. She was wasting her time here. 


Letting up on the snickers, Joy fiddled with the ring on their hand. 


"Don't feel bad, I'm asking this stuff to pass the time. No harm in any of it."


Marina took a moment. "Sure." She looked down at the scuff marks on her boots. "Uh, sorry, I guess."


Joy waved it off. "It was rather funny, it's fine."


Silence flooded the deathtrap, the white static rushing into Marina's mind. All of a sudden she missed Joy's stupid icebreakers and the whirring of the actual working elevator. Five minutes had already passed, and here they were, Joy on the floor and Marina fixated on the buttons. She glanced back at Joy and the wall before her repeatedly. The silence stretched out beyond her and all of a sudden she was reminded of the very pointed fact that she would be missing class today because the bus was bound to have passed her stop by now. In missing the bus, her whole day has been sabotaged. She squeezed her eyes shut. 


"So what're you missing right now?"


Marina's eyes opened, her head whipping directly to look at Joy. She furrowed her brow and her mouth opened. "How did you know–"


They shrugged. "We all got places to be, don't we?"


"You don't seem like you do," Marina bristled, folding her arms.


Joy idly twirled a few strands of their hair, the platinum colored locks wrapping gracefully around their fingers. They didn’t look up at Marina this time, though the faint amusement they had from laughing earlier never left them.


"Do I? I guess I'm just not letting it show." Joy simpered, mostly to themselves if anything. "Stress is never good for the heart, y'know."


Marina scrunched her face up in confusion at this, narrowing her eyes at Joy. ". . . Stress is never good for the—do you even care about the situation we're in right now?!"


Joy glanced up at Marina finally, their dark eyes meeting Marina's own.


"It's only been seven minutes."


Marina looked exasperated. "And that doesn't worry you?!"


They shrugged. "Not really, no. If I didn’t have company, maybe it would." Joy looked at the frozen elevator number mocking the two of them. "It's bound to start moving again soon."


"How are you so sure of that?" Marina frowned. 


"I'm not." Joy said. "Panicking about it won't get us out though, would it?"


There wasn't a direct response Marina had to counteract that. Sure, she could say that panicking would likely get the attention of whatever bozo was stuck on security guard duty at ten in the morning, taking note of the two people trapped in the very small and rickety elevator. But it was likely that moron was already aware of that, and if they weren't, Marina hoped their days at their job were numbered. 


Instead of responding to Joy, she turned to face the security camera, and flipped it off. 


Joy laughed again, clapping. "That's another way to respond."


"Whoever's behind that camera is now responsible." She leaned back against the right side of the wall to face Joy, away from the camera in the corner. "They'll have to pay for my missed classes."


"Ah, so you're missing class right now?" 


Marina sighed. "Classes. Multiple."


They sucked their teeth at Marina's response, shaking their head slowly. "That's gotta be annoying, I'm sorry."


She huffed. "It is."


The two were met with silence again, though it lacked the awkward air of embarrassment from earlier. Marina glanced towards the buttons on the wall, the glow emanating from the first button appearing almost mockingly. She glowered at it, sighing again. Two more minutes passed between them, the silence growing more comfortable as it went on. Joy hadn't bothered to even look at Marina throughout this whole stretch, letting up on their conversation. Marina wasn't sure if she preferred it or not. 


There was an odd moment there where Marina recalled the last time anyone even tried to converse with her like this. She often avoided social outings, feeling like an outlier in a group. The most she would say to someone on a regular basis consisted of 'Hello', 'How are you?', 'Good?', and 'I'm glad, goodbye.'


She glanced back at Joy again, watching them stare aimlessly at the roof of the elevator. 


Marina shifted slightly in place, the fabric of her sundress rustling against the cool metal wall of the elevator.


"Uh . . ." she began, bringing her hand to her chin as she sought for words. "What, uhm—What are you missing right now?"


Snapping out of their self-imposed daze, Joy turned their head to stare directly at Marina. It was the same as before, carrying that calm and charming warmth that only seemed to appear when their eyes met. There was the slightest appearance of unforeseen surprise behind Joy's gaze, and Marina could only be left to wonder what it meant. 


"What am I missing?" they said. 


Marina moved a little closer, stepping away from leaning on the wall. "Yeah, uh, you know. Where do you have to be right now?"


Joy closed their eyes. "At this moment, nowhere in particular."


Marina blinked. "Really?"


"Well yeah, like you, I've already missed my chance to go where I was supposed to go." They shrugged. "It's not much of a loss though."


"That sure doesn't sound cryptic as hell," Marina deadpanned.


Joy snorted, opening an eye to look up at Marina. "Bottom line, where I was going didn’t really matter after all."


"It wasn't like a job or something?"


They bobbed their head side to side, a knowing smile on their face. Marina wanted to shake them.


"Not really, no." Joy opened both eyes. "I'm enjoying myself right here, anyway."


"That makes one of us." Marina said.


"You're not having fun with me?" Joy pouted. They looked like a kicked puppy. Marina couldn't look at them directly.


She shook her head. "I'd rather not be trapped in a smelly and rusty metal deathcage."


"Better than being alone though, no, Marina?"


She could hear the lilt in their voice again, this time the syllables of her name drawn out further, sweet and syrupy in the most languid manner possible. It was as if they were miles away, calling out to Marina using the siren song of her name. Joy's voice captivated her for a moment, and in that moment the warmth she initially sneered at enveloped her in a comforting embrace. 


"I guess so," was all she could say. 


Joy smiled again. "I like your hair, by the way." 


Instinctively, Marina reached at the short length of her hair. She sported a rather crude hairstyle, opting to dye it and cut it herself. The short dark red strands brushed against her ear, shaggy and chopped rather unevenly.


She felt a pang of warmth hit her chest.


" . . . Thanks." 


Joy nodded. "It suits you."


The faintest of smiles ghosted Marina's face, the corners of her mouth twitching ever so slightly. 


Compelled to compliment them back, Marina stumbled. "I . . . like yours too. Your hair, I mean. And uh, that ring you got on. I don't think I've ever seen one like it before."


"Is that so?" Joy shifted from their spot in the corner of the elevator to face Marina directly. They held up their hand with the ring, flashing it to her. "Someone real important to me gifted it for an anniversary of ours."


Marina nodded. "Must be nice." 


"It was." Joy's smile was subtler this time, not fully connecting to their eyes. Marina swore she could feel a hint of sadness behind their gaze. 


"Was?" she asked.


They nodded. "Yeah. It was a long time ago."


Marina paused. "I see…" Her eyes flickered down to her boots. "I'm sorry about that."


Joy shrugged. "Nothing you've gotta apologize for. It's just a memory now. A nice one, sure, but that's all it is. Can't change that."


"Does it hurt?" Marina asked. "To uhm, carry that reminder with you?"


They tilted their head. "Should it?"


"Huh?"


"If it hurts, it was real." Joy looked down at the ring, bringing their hand close to themselves again. "And if something like that was real enough to make me happy once, it's a reminder that it won't be the last good thing to happen to me. Keeping that memory alive is better than forgetting it ever happened."


All Marina could do was stare. 


Joy's admission was so simple, yet it hadn't once crossed her mind as a possibility.

 

"I'm glad you like it, though." They didn’t look at her, their eyes still locked on the aforementioned ring. 


" . . . Yeah." Marina said. "What's the stone in it?"


"Rose quartz." 


She nodded. "Pretty."


Joy's mouth twitched. "She said as much."


The world stilled and they stood in stasis, frozen in this very moment. Marina studied Joy's features one more time, burning their image into her memory. Their long hair and brown skin, the slender curve of their fingers. A soft smile permanently ghosting their face. Their outfit was rather simple, cargo pants and a baby tee. They seemed like any other person Marina would run into on the street. Nothing extraordinary. Yet there was that warmth that radiated from them, that all-encompassing light that somehow seemed to grab Marina by the shoulders and permeate itself into her very being. Familiar and strange and all around uncomfortable. Uncomfortable in the way Joy spoke to her, all too friendly and all too familiar. It was fake. Plastic. Hollow. Surely. 


Marina realized she was quite close to Joy now, the small confines of the elevator seemingly pushing them together. She stood in front of them, gazing aimlessly into the wall. She was snapped out of her thoughts by the sounds of harsh metal clanging racking the walls of the elevator.


The metal whirring she had longed for nearly twenty minutes ago had started up again, startling them both. Clunky mechanical movement had plunged the two of them down to the first floor, as if all the kinetic energy built up in that time was catapulting them to their destination. The elevator doors finally opened, and two people left there to process that their hell had finally frozen over.


They made eye contact again, and slowly, Marina extended her hand to Joy. 


Joy simply looked between Marina and her hand, taking a moment to themselves. Cold hands gripped warm ones, the touch jolting her just the slightest. A soft touch, made to disappear as quickly as it arrived, falling through Marina’s hands like the sands of time. It was fleeting, the moment they met in that second– their hands fit rather well together, melding in an embrace. Joy was pulled up with ease, standing beside Marina now. They were much taller than her. Marina retracted her hands quickly, almost as if Joy’s touch could scorch her. She rubbed them on the bottom of her dress, averting her eyes. Joy didn’t move. 


"Thanks."


"Don't mention it."


"Guess this is where I'll leave you." Joy rubbed the back of their neck.


Marina looked forward, steeling herself to move. "Yeah. See you around, I guess."


She couldn't see their expression, not wanting to glance back. Joy's voice carried a tone that Marina couldn't recognize. 


"Of course. Goodbye, Marina."


She wasn't quite sure who stepped out first, nor was she sure when she had shut her eyes. When she opened them, she was alone in the hallway in the lobby of the Fairview Panorama at ten thirty in the morning. There wasn't a soul around, and the doors hadn't been touched. She turned back to see the elevator that had been her prison. It was on the sixth floor going up.


Marina shook her head before heading out, going to the bus stop anyway. She might've missed her morning class, but she could at least attend the afternoon one. Least she enjoyed herself while she missed it.


Later when Marina was on the bus, she was aimlessly scrolling through her phone's gallery.


Stopping on a photo from three years ago, the first thing to catch her eye was a single silver oval ring worn on her own hand. She was giggling in the photo, her smile painfully wide, playfully hitting the person beside her. They were also laughing, the person's platinum colored locks cascading over their shoulders. The brightest smile Marina had ever seen, accentuated by their dimples. The two of them were outside, possibly eating lunch together. 


It hit her in waves, and yet her mind buzzed with an empty feeling. 


She never saw Joy Aristotle again.




Annie Coello is a rising Junior and a 2D Animation Major at the School of Visual Arts. "I’m very passionate about writing character-focused stories," Annie says. "And I’m honored to be published in The Match Factory!"